Are You Meant For Love?

In my blog post called “How To Manifest The Ultimate Love For You…” I talked at the beginning about how I felt that I probably was not meant for love or for someone to love me.

When I was younger going to school, I knew girls around me that were funnier, wittier, cuter, and could draw more attention to themselves that I could. I didn’t know how to capture the charisma of other people let alone guys around me. I remember one time when I was picked last for gym. I started to stop bringing my gym shoes and would just get in a habit of sitting out on the sidelines and watching everyone instead of playing the activity or sport myself.

I desired to feel “normal” and to feel like I at least had something special about me and could fit in, but I wasn’t being included in activities. I knew it and other people knew it as well. I felt like there was nothing that I could do. I felt like I couldn’t change these girls’ minds. I couldn’t afford the things they could. I wasn’t allowed to have makeup. I naturally was not going to fit in. I couldn’t relate. I felt trapped and isolated and stuck.

I felt so isolated and stuck that I would not voice my opinion on anything anymore in front of other people. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and that I wouldn’t get anywhere no matter how hard I tried. When I wouldn’t talk, it was because I didn’t feel valued anymore.

I realized that I couldn’t live this way forever. It was easy to cop out and become a wallflower. Inside I knew that this wasn’t who I was and I knew people didn’t know who I was.

In my teenage years, I did a total 360 and did more of what I wanted. I did some offensive things, but I knew more of who I was. I was becoming more of an extrovert… not the introvert that people knew me as and wanted me to be… it was a shock to people.

In trying to figure out who I was, I couldn’t answer the question, “Am I Meant For Love?” I was struggling with my own identity and didn’t know if I deserved love. I felt like I wasn’t loved for so long and for so many years.

I had to find what this meant for me. I continued living with no solid answer to this question for myself. I picked up knowledge from people here and there… online and in real life… some of them didn’t seem to have successful relationships and some of them did seem to have successful relationships. I wanted reliable advice that made sense and that was proven to work.

I knew that I had to go with what worked and made sense to me. I may have not found the exact right answer or information that I had been looking for at that time going through life, but I knew it existed… successful relationships existed, love coaches existed, relationship experts existed… so love must exist!