Dating Issue: How To Deal With Someone Who Has Commitment Phobia

Sara Knick
4 min readNov 15, 2020

Back between 2011–2012, I had met a man who had told me that he would never get married again. This year, I found out that he was engaged. I was surprised, but months after this, I found out that the engagement was off and there was no trace on his social media profile of the woman that he had been engaged to. He was smiling, not depressed, in his photos. He has a good job and tons of engagement on his Facebook profile. When I asked why he had a bad breakup, he said, “Same reasons anyone breaks up. Mutual animosity and unhappiness.”

Everyone desires happiness, but when it gets to “the point of no return” in a relationship, it takes work to come out of that place. It is easier a lot of times to break up and move on than it is to put work into your mindset and actions to change yourself. Resisting change within yourself can end up leaving you in similar situations from your past. When you end up in the same places that you were before, you feel extremely hopeless and paralyzed.

You may have had all of your relationships fail. You may have no idea why. A relationship itself may have been too much to handle. Maybe you were not with the right person. Maybe there was too much that you had not considered before investing your time with a specific partner. Continuing to repeat the same behavior patterns and actions will only leave you with the same result, which would be no relationship.

The lack of introspection or understanding how we affect our partner can lead to a relationship’s demise. The sheer unwillingness to understand what our partner is saying even if we don’t agree with it will lead to communication difficulties and fights. The choice that we have in selecting a partner in a relationship is one of the most important decisions that we will ever face. Having the right tools available to work through struggles is needed for every relationship. Struggles will come up, but it is important to learn how to deal with them.

Commitment phobia can stem from several places. Someone could just want their sexual freedom and not to be tied to one specific partner. Someone could be…

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