Do I Love Him Or Am I Attached?
As part of a homework assignment for a couples therapy session, my fiancé and I were told to read the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find — and Keep — Love” by our therapist. There was a lot of different pieces of information that I learned. We chose to listen to it in an audiobook format.
I wanted to finish this book quicker than I did, but there was so much listening material that I had to be patient with myself. I couldn’t quite get all of the ideas that were mentioned with the attachment styles and kept questioning which one or ones identified me. It was hard to figure out since I’m not the one in a relationship with myself. I feel that in the beginning of my current relationship, I had an anxious attachment style that developed into a combination of a secure and avoidant attachment style. Reading about attachment styles made me think about love in a different way. Do I still love him or am I just attached?
In the middle of the audiobook, I began to think that there were just attachment styles and questioned actual love existing.
I kept in mind that the author of the book, Amir Levine, MD, is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist researcher. This book was based on attachment theory. This book is a book and what I want to do with the information in this book is up to me.
I continued to listen to the audiobook until the end. It helped me to recognize different relationships that I have had in the past and to see them in a more clinical way. I used this information to identify my current relationship and my past ones.
I couldn’t quite grasp certain concepts in this book. It seemed like a large task at the time to listen to hours of information that I really didn’t feel like wanting to do. I felt like I was half listening at certain points because I truly did not believe in attachment theory completely.
I still believe that love is love. How we define love is up to us. It helps to clarify what kind of love we want in our lives and what that looks like.
I understand that there will be many various opinions of my relationship as well as other relationships. Information is just that… information. If it helps us, great. If it doesn’t help us, there are still many other pieces of information out there. I know that I still love my fiancé and that is what matters.