Do You Love Yourself?

In my past, I have run the gamut of emotions. I considered myself to be very emotionally sensitive to what’s going on around me at one point in time. I took people’s responses personally. I didn’t have a clear idea about who I was. I had good intentions, but I couldn’t love myself because I didn’t know fully who I was.

I wanted to get out of a state of vulnerability. I wasn’t popular or desired by groups or people growing up. I wanted to feel like I was accepted fully, but I couldn’t find points of connection with people growing up to where they could accept me. I felt awkward and alone all the time. I couldn’t wait to go home most days from school. I reached a point where it felt more comfortable to just be by myself. I felt like no one knew who I was, but the feeling of being alone just stuck with me isolating me.

At my 8th grade graduation, I was with my family and other relatives as the school gave me my certificates and diploma. I looked down and saw that my name was spelled wrong on them. I was really upset and ashamed. They didn’t even know my name, didn’t bother to check the spelling and ruined my day. I had spent nine years at this same school. It was embarrassing.

I realized that I had to redefine myself and my story. Being at this same school and the events that happened there did not determine the rest of my life.

I went on to high school and then studied at other schools that had subjects that I had interests in. I didn’t isolate myself and had a range of other experiences moving forward. I didn’t allow my past to limit me.

Sometimes people bring up their pasts with me and I can’t relate to them. They seemed to have a better time than I had.

I have a lot of things now that many people will never have. I am grateful for everything. I know that I have the power to change my life if I want to or need to. Part of loving myself has been to allow myself to open up and experience life showing that I know that I am worthy of experiencing life.

I have learned that getting out of your comfort zone is the best way to reset your mindset. I have also learned to never compare myself with others as they have other resources and people in their lives that I may not have. The most influential practice for me in opening myself up to the world and healing from pain and suffering has been meditation and has allowed my thoughts to be changed as I feel that they should. A positive mind, positive vibes and a positive life equals more love for yourself.