Fantasy Relationships vs. Real Relationships
When you don’t have any experience in dating and you start with a fresh slate in the beginning, it is refreshing because you can be anyone to anybody. You have choices. You have aspirations. You have no negative past experiences holding you back and making you fearful of the future.
There are people that want relationships, but movies, television and other shows feed us certain expectations and ideas about what that looks like to us. If a relationship does not turn out how we wanted, we may feel like we’ve lost time or stay depressed at the fact that we’ve got to “start over.” Engaging in relationships where we are in denial of how we actually feel with somebody, stay with somebody for what they have or just to have some “eye candy” around will make us feel alone and isolated in the end emotionally. We will end up feeling depressed, sad and unhappy.
When we allow ourselves to be connected in a relationship to someone, our motives will determine the success of that relationship. If our motives are dishonest from the beginning, we will experience the karma of that decision. Perhaps our partner in turn treats us in a dishonest way. Perhaps we don’t get what we originally wanted when we started out in a certain relationship.
Fantasy relationships are relationships in which we are not connected to the relationship ourselves fully. We may want something superficial out of the relationship. Perhaps we want a better social status, access to better assets or a trophy husband or wife in our lives to make us feel better. In other words, we are grasping for something external. This pushes us away from our internal self, which is where real connection is. In real relationships, we have internal connection with our partner. We have understanding of who our partner is and acceptance for that person.
If you have come to the realization that your relationship is just fantasy and that you are not connected to your partner or are with your partner for superficial reasons, consider having an open dialogue where you explore the relationship in how you feel and how the partner feels. Share and compare the internal aspects of what may be going on. It may be uncomfortable at first. Having more knowledge about you and your partner will help you navigate the way forward and to make decisions that will benefit the both of you. We continue to deepen the relationship in helping our partner, spending quality time with our partner and supporting our partner. Assess where the relationship is at. Sometimes the goals and dreams of each individual changes with more life experiences, more knowledge and life lessons learned.
Growth and change is necessary for human survival. When we feel that our partner is doing better than us, we may get jealous or feel inferior. We may see our partner as getting to their goals easier and we may feel alone and left behind.
Fantasy relationships are not connected in reality. The relationship may exist in our mind and we may hold onto superficial aspects of what somebody means to us rather than valuing the authenticity of different aspects of our partner. Real relationships allow us to be humans. They do not demand our partner to meet unreal expectations. They allow our emotions to naturally surface. They are based on honesty and integrity.
We learn lessons as we go through life allowing our maturity to develop. We may find that in our younger days, we made more immature choices or decisions that had its consequences. The more that we allow ourselves to value our authenticity as humans in the human experience, the more that we can value a partner’s authenticity in the same way.