Fast Or Slow: Which Speed Is Right To Go In A Relationship?

Sara Knick
3 min readNov 6, 2020

Some people are scared of going too fast and ruining a relationship. Some people can’t take going too slow either. In one relationship, I was dating someone and he was very adamant about not being in a relationship. He had fears of “being trapped,” bored and having a general lack of freedom.

For the most part, people want to feel loved and gain support from a relationship, but the partner on the other side may have qualms stemming from previous bad experiences or fears in general. When you like someone and want to just be with that person, but he or she isn’t putting themselves “all in,” it can be hurtful, embarrassing and confusing.

Fear is powerful sometimes. It can hold us back from amazing experiences. It can block us from creating the partnership that we’ve always wanted. It can make us want to be careful and go slower so that we can catch if anything seems off. The opposite may also be true. We may want to reach a specific love goal in our lives and go faster in a relationship for fear that we may never have another relationship again or miss an opportunity of reaching our love goal.

If we have mastered ourselves, our focus becomes different. We are not focused on the speed of a relationship. We are focused on our partner matching us with the right energy. This is a different concept entirely.

There are some people that have “commitment phobia” and it leads them into wanting to go slower in a relationship and avoiding any sort of labels or commitment altogether. In this case, if there are two people with two different goals, you will be met with resistance. It will seem harder to be with this person. One person may just want to have someone as a friend with benefits, but the other person may want a more serious relationship. The difference in goals creates a different speed in the relationship automatically.

Not clearly defining what love goals that you have will create more confusion in your love life. You will not know what you are trying to get.