Member-only story
Grappling With Self Identity: Hatred vs. Love
Growing up, I had a lingering hatred and anger about the person that I was. I accepted what other kids and adults believed about me. I settled for the idea that I wasn’t worthy enough to be in the presence of others. I wasn’t good enough and this belief stuck throughout the majority of my time growing up. I was picked last in sports and games as well as for class assignments. I wasn’t wanted or desired for the person that I was. This is a heavy feeling for any child to feel.
I wanted to break from the identity that was created for me by others that I was growing up with. At this time, I was quiet, reserved and only spoke when it mattered. This allowed others to easily create narratives for me and dictate who I was in their lives. I struggled with the person that I knew who I was and the person that fit comfortably into the lives of others with very little to no voice trying to appease others. I felt as if it was becoming harder for me to follow this narrative of being “the quiet one.” The person that people believed me to be was not the person that I was. This misalignment in terms of identity was nagging at me ever so loudly by the time I became sixteen years old.
How do you gracefully break out of years of fitting into a mold that people feel comfortable with? You don’t. I had enough resentment and anger that had built up over time until…
