Having An Affair: What’s The Harm?
Cheating, dishonesty and lying in a relationship can suck. I’ve been through many experiences in my dating life in which a guy had omitted information (lies of omission) and had not been open with me about what he wanted with me and from me. I had not gained the closure that I wanted with certain men and experiences that I had gone through. I had to gain closure through adjusting my own perspectives on events that had happened.
People want adventure and fun in the moment, but sometimes they do not see the long term consequences of their actions. When people engage in activities that destroy the integrity of their current relationship, they create problems for themselves. Internal guilt can start to form and a sense of shame can develop. That person may have to live with his or her guilt and shame alone for the rest of his or her life.
When someone engages in activities that their current partner would not approve of, there is automatic lying and dishonesty occurring. There is resistance and negativity created. It may manifest itself into further arguments, fights and frustrations.
Having an affair means that your partner has no knowledge of you seeing another person in a romantic way and does not agree with it. If you have agreements that you can see other people, that is something different. Your partner has knowledge of it and is okay with it. Everyone has their own opinions about how relationships should function, but each relationship operates differently and has its own agreements and boundaries.
If you have found out that your partner has been engaged in an affair, it is of utmost importance that you engage in self loving activities and give yourself time to think and heal. You were not at fault. You trusted someone that has let you down, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t trust again. If you are currently engaging in an affair, that strong pull towards wanting an intense satisfaction in the moment may be driving you. You may be wanting to feed your own desires and can’t control it. At this point, professional help is needed to help pick apart what it is that is driving you to continue actions that is harming your relationship. The acknowledgement towards wrongdoing against your partner and wanting to change your actions may help to save your relationship.
Some people may think that as long as someone doesn’t know about something, it is okay. Under that same logic, if you applied this to extreme scenarios such as crimes and murders, is it really okay? No! You tend to feel a sickening reaction right away even thinking about it. Cheating, dishonesty and lying in a relationship will destroy the integrity of it… it is just a matter of when and how soon.
If there is work to be done in the current relationship, you may need help to see what steps to take to improve it. Using an affair to escape what isn’t working in the current relationship will only lead to more problems. Also, if you don’t recognize how you are affecting the relationship, the relationship will never change if you do not change. The relationship itself takes two committed people that are willing to do what it takes to make it succeed.
I know what it is like to feel like someone that you really loved and trusted has cast you aside for someone else. Realize that life is a journey and that with experience, you can only get better. There may be mistakes along the way, but understanding the need for change is a sign of growth. If you keep making mistakes and not considering other people’s feelings in the matter, you will only develop yourself to be self serving. Only serving the self will lend itself to isolation and loneliness.
