“How Come You’re Single?”

When I was in my twenties, a lot of middle aged women tried to convince me to have kids and get married right away. It was like they thought that they were giving me words of wisdom. In my head, I thought practically. If I don’t like the man who I am married to, it will cause more problems. Why would I have kids if I don’t feel that it’s right for me? I decided to follow what made sense for me at the time.

Men desired me for my looks, but would find out that I was single and then assume that I had issues or that there was something wrong with me. They wanted to know why I was single or not taken already. I was put in an awkward place where I had to defend myself. I felt that just with the insinuation of there being something wrong with me that there was something wrong! What was this mysterious invisible thing that I couldn’t understand?!

I was a very driven person. When something didn’t make sense, I didn’t do it. I never had a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. I didn’t trust some of the men that I had met and I knew I hadn’t found love in my twenties. There was also this added judgment from people who didn’t even know me. Why was I also being faced with judgments about myself and who I was?

I followed my intuition. I was not going to live my life for other people. Some people understood my desires. Some really didn’t understand…