How Do I Break Up?

In researching what people wanted to know in regards to love, I discovered that this question of “How Do I Break Up?” was being asked online and that many articles with tips and strategies were being released. I myself haven’t had to deal with this often. I’ve usually been on the receiving end of a break up.

I would have wanted to be told up front what the guy felt or was thinking immediately when it was happening rather than having it lead up to a break up. I wanted to be on the same page with the guy I was with, but I couldn’t control everything that he did. When I was avoided, ignored or felt like I wasn’t worthy in the eyes of a guy I was getting to know, I was just wanting to know sooner that things wouldn’t work out so that I could move on. I felt confused and frustrated when I would talk to someone and everything would seem fine, but then there would be a lack of response or interest the next time I would text or talk to him. I felt uncertain about myself. I felt like I was on a treasure hunt with no treasure. I felt like there would never be a good ending to my story.

There was a point when I was so frustrated with the games that would be played by guys that I felt like I would never find anyone decent. Hope was out of reach. I felt doomed to spend eternity to try to piece together something that maybe was love.

I realized that I had to disengage immediately from guys when I felt they were not being honest with me.

Every time I felt an outcome was not quite right or that there was something off emotionally, I had to let the guy go. It was a sign that I was not aligning with him. When I felt that there was resistance in getting to know him, I backed off and didn’t invest further time or energy. When I was surprised by his reactions or statements or when he was trying to make points about himself that had nothing to do with our conversations, I let him go. When I did not feel comfortable or at ease talking with him, I let him go.

I was struggling to figure out why dating and relationships seemed so hard. I thought that you just needed to be honest up front and everything would be fine. There were a lot of unwanted parts of a person that made themselves known when I dated… things you wish you hadn’t known, insecurities, trust issues, misdirected aggression, feeling like the other person was just trying to impress you for their own agenda… How is it possible for one person to navigate through all of this?

I learned to trust my emotional and mental side a bit better. I navigated through all of the uncertainties just fine. When I decided to not invest any more time into a guy, I let it go entirely and never looked back. I was able to make decisions and know why I made those decisions. One of the key parts to the dating process is to know what is best for you and for you to make choices based on that in spite of what may be told to you from family, friends or from anywhere else.

I didn’t have to break up often because I already sifted out a lot of the guys that wouldn’t work in the very beginning. When you do not have relationship goals for yourself, it becomes harder to know what you want and so that leaves more room for a variety of possibilities that may or may not be what you were looking for.