How Do You Save Your Relationship?

When I was a part of the dating world, I was very inquisitive and hopeful. I was not attached to any particular outcome. I was looking for good times in the moment and to have fun mainly.

I desired a long term relationship, but the qualities that I was finding in the men I was talking to was not relationship material. I would get to know someone for a little bit and then think things were going well, but then he would seem to fall off the face of the earth. This was definitely not showing me that he was trustworthy or stable. I felt devalued. I felt unimportant because a guy was not fighting for my time or attention.

There was one long distance relationship that went off and on. When he was in town, I would hang out and see him almost every day. When he was not around sometimes we would call or text. There was one day when he got verbally abusive towards me and I left never looking back.

I realized that I couldn’t save this relationship. It was not worth saving because I had to accept that he made a choice to act that way towards me. Still to this day I have received no apology or recognition of wrongdoing for this behavior. I have also gotten promises from him that he did not follow through with. I knew things were over and I was done with him.

I grieved over the ending of this relationship, but decided to end any future relationship if there was any signs of dishonesty, aggression, lack of follow-through and lack of communication.

I would be excited to talk on the phone, but then he seemed to attack who I was or the points that I was trying to make. I would be contented with messaging a guy to find out more about him, but then I wouldn’t get much interest back about me. I would be happy getting to know someone, but then he would decide not to pursue a potential relationship with me.

I did not save anything not worth saving so I did not pursue the man that I broke up with anymore. I did not want to save the relationship because it would have meant more hurt, confusion and toxicity later on down the road.

I became more patient and calm in my search of love. I couldn’t force it or control how I was being treated. I became more aware of what was happening in the beginning of the relationship so that I could gauge the eventual success or failure of it further on down the road. I did want a long term relationship, but that meant being more present in the short term moments with understanding my emotions and how the other person was feeling and acting.