How To Get Past Arguments
Maybe we’ve hit a tough subject with a partner or brought up something that happened in the past that had a negative outcome, but we want to work through it. We may notice that certain subjects with our partner incite anger, embarrassment, sadness, jealousy or other negative emotions.
We only want to be understood when we are speaking, but the mention of difficult subjects have already created a negative mental space with our partner. We may want to have our view understood, but when it isn’t accepted or received in an open manner, we feel hopeless and question, “Why did I choose this partner to be in my life?”
After an argument, it may be difficult to connect again with your partner. Maybe you can’t even talk about certain subjects or incidents because even the mention of them creates negativity and a need to lash out from your partner. It could take hours or days until there is a resolve.
Sometimes there are things that happened in our life where we have no resolve. We didn’t receive closure or a solution to the negative endings of situations and there are open wounds. Maybe we didn’t conquer things how we had hoped. Maybe we didn’t have the control over certain situations that we wanted. When our weaknesses are made fun of or brought up, we feel a need to defend ourselves.
When you have an argument, are you listening to your partner and taking adequate time to understand what he or she is saying? Are you allowing time to let emotions process between the two of you? Are you taking the time to interpret the words that are being said if you have confusion about it? Are there other factors involved here that maybe you are not seeing? Is there an extreme amount of stress involved? Are there health issues being dealt with? Is there fear surrounding the outcomes of certain situations that will happen in the future? What factors may be influencing and inciting these extreme emotions that are coming to the surface?
When an emotion is being expressed and is coming at us from someone that we love, we may react in anger, sadness, confusion, embarrassment or fear. There is an unresolved part of themselves coming to the surface. We may have an urgent need to want to resolve it or not know how to resolve it, but it’s there. It creates frustration with both partners.
As life goes on, sometimes we are forced to deal with unresolved situations from the past. Sometimes we don’t know how to get past it. Sometimes we seek help and don’t get the help that we needed. It could be how we deal with situations that needs an updated perspective. It could also be that we are not choosing change for ourselves and that we are holding onto beliefs dictating outcomes.
Getting past an argument requires an understanding of the past and the energy that is there. It requires forgiveness of what other people may have said or done to you. It requires you to understand your role and responsibility in an argument as well.
