I remember watching dramatic scenes on TV about someone finding out that he or she was being cheated on. Either someone was looking through text messages on a phone and found out or someone found something that was out of place and belonged to someone else… perhaps underwear or a scent. It can hit you hard if you don’t see it coming.
People are looking to satisfy their needs, but sometimes they do not think about how their behavior and actions can affect their lover or spouse. The cheater may try to have a need fulfilled through someone else if he or she is wanting self gratification quickly and is trying to have someone fulfill a need in a timely manner. He or she may reach into the past or spark something new with a co-worker that could be forbidden. The idea of a forbidden love could even be a turn-on in some ways, but at what cost? When you choose to cheat, you have to live with the paranoia and anxiety that comes with it.
If you get addicted to having an “easy out” and having one person or other people fulfill your needs, you are choosing to neglect what you have built with your partner and working through the difficulties. You are choosing to serve yourself no matter what effects it has on your partner. This will lead to a slow or fast death of your current relationship.
Being cheated on is a form of dishonesty. There are issues that are not being communicated. The person that you are in a relationship with is looking outside of the relationship for a release instead of putting in the time and effort to make the relationship better. For whatever reason, whether it is a good or a bad reason, a decision was made to seek gratification outside of the relationship.
If someone demonstrates this behavior to you, you have a choice to stay or leave the relationship. A wanting for change can only happen within a person. You cannot force someone to change. You have to assess your feelings and what is best for you to regain self love and healing. If your partner is choosing to be dishonest with you, he or she has more work to do with himself or herself. Getting distance from the cheater is the best thing that you could get while you pick up the pieces from your life and choose which direction you would like to go next.
Sometimes words can have a hold on us. Sometimes we can hear different apologies from the same person and think that they understand that they hurt us, but they continue to do the same disappointing things to us. Sometimes we enjoy how they talk to us and love their compliments about us, but their actions show differently. We get stuck because we love the things that they say to us and continue to stay instead of just purely assessing their actions and seeing from that point of view that they are not demonstrating that they actually care for us.
Change comes from within. A person that truly desires to change will change. A person will demonstrate through actions who he or she is. Actions speak louder than words. If someone loves you, that person will demonstrate that and you will feel loved. If you keep having to question if you are being loved, you probably are not being cared for how you would like.
Love is difficult because it is intangible for the most part. Each person has his or her own unique experiences with love that can never be copied. If you have been cheated on, you need to choose to take time for yourself away from the relationship. The other person has already demonstrated that his or her own needs come before yours. If you are the cheater, what is it that you are trying to gain? Are you trying to chase a feeling? Are you wanting long term commitment? Sometimes we never gain the sort of closure that we would desire from cheating situations. That is why we need to restore our self love more than ever and give ourselves time to heal.