How To Prevent Stonewalling In Your Relationship

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash.

Have you ever been in an argument with your partner that just keeps getting more and more intense?

Everything said seems like the same thing over and over again. And then the argument escalates to the point where one partner completely withdraws, pushing the other way. It’s like a stone wall was built to solve the problem. Yet you’re both left feeling alone or resentful.

This act of withdrawing during conflict is also referred to as stonewalling.

Stonewalling is a coping mechanism that happens because a person feels emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of dealing with the conflict, they completely shut down, building a wall between themselves and their partner.

Stonewalling might happen because the person does not know how to deal with conflict or their feelings. It might show up as silent treatment, refusing to communicate with their partner or just withdrawing from the argument completely.

People stonewall in arguments for a number of reasons:

They might truly believe that resolving the conflict is hopeless.

They may not know how to express their feelings.

They want to avoid conflict as a defense mechanism.