I Learned Some Amazing Information And Everything Changed.

I did briefly mention in my first blog post that I learned some amazing information when I posted my Love Manifestation story.

Let me tell you about a story when I was in high school…

I had many self esteem and self confidence issues growing up. Growing up, I had never “found myself.” I wasn’t nurtured the way that I needed to be. I had girls that would ignore me and guys that bullied me at school. Most days I would look forward to just coming home and not seeing anybody for the rest of the day. It was a pitiful way to live a life and I felt that if I actually had the self confidence that I needed, I would have been able to do so much more. My environment was not supportive of me in many ways.

I desired to be happy and loved. My basic human needs were not being met. If you’ve ever looked at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you’ll notice different parts of that pyramid striped in colors… I had issues with every single one of those areas. I felt that I didn’t belong to anything.

I grew up in a nice area of the city and couldn’t relate to the girls I grew up with. Most of them were spoiled with clothing, makeup and lived in really amazing houses. Appearances were important. They would also get manicures. My mom never got manicures let alone would even get one for me. I wouldn’t dare ask for one. I definitely felt like I wasn’t good enough for these things. I was supposed to be grateful for what I got, but it is not easy when you go to school with people that live on a totally different level. It’s hard to relate to them and in turn they can’t relate to you.

I wasn’t proud of anything I did. I felt like there was always someone better and prettier than me that I’d have to face in the hallways. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. How can I possibly move forward when I have people that are already miles ahead of me?

I got so anxious and sleep deprived in my junior year of high school that I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I didn’t care about anything and that nothing mattered. At this point, I wasn’t eating a whole lot… I was already destroyed. Pretty girls got farther than ugly girls and I was just an ugly girl that wouldn’t get anywhere. I packed up everything from my locker in high school and insisted that my mom take me home.

At this point where I was in high school, I felt like everything was a dead end. I needed to learn how to surround myself with healthy structure and make goals for myself that were worthwhile. I had to disengage from the toxic environment that I felt that I was in.

My plan was to continue doing the best that I could in the situation that I was given. I never wished ill will on myself in the first place. I had to get out of this toxic cycle and learn new habits to get on a path towards success in my life.

I did end up finishing high school through homeschooling. Finding any type of love in a partnership seemed very far off as a goal at this point, but I knew in my heart that it was still there as a desire, alive and true.

In the end, I knew that given this disastrous situation that I had found myself in that I had to do something new… something different. Information is out there all around us… the important part of it is why we use the information and for what purpose we use it for. I knew that finding love would have to come later, but the information had to be out there because there were other people that had found love, so why can’t I? But for now, I had to learn self love and get my life together.