Is Love A Need Or A Want?

In my blog post entitled, “Why Do We Look For Love?” I mentioned a 75 year study done by a group of Harvard researchers that proved that love is really all that matters. Participants in the study had lifelong experiences that revealed happiness and life fulfillment revolved around love or simply searching for love.

Let me tell you a story…

Even though I was intelligent, career oriented and involved in different activities, I still wanted to search for love. I felt satisfied in different areas of my life, but not in love.

I wanted to find love, but unsure of the exact way that it would appear in my life. I felt like everything was out of reach. I didn’t have defined goals or specifications. I knew a lot of what I didn’t want. That focus on what I didn’t want did not help me in getting what I did want. I felt annoyed, frustrated and like love was unattainable.

I didn’t know how to talk to guys. I mostly stayed to myself and felt like silence was better than making a fool of myself.

I realized that love came in different forms. There were so many options out there. I knew that I had to overcome my own emotions and my lack of communication skills.

For several years when my mom was alive, I continued to not date and focus on career oriented pursuits. I did not want to be scrutinized for my choices so I decided to stay in my own lane and be alone. After my mom’s passing, I started online dating. I felt free from judgment. Online dating allowed me to see what other guys thought of me. I set up some different profiles. I got hundreds of messages over the weeks from those profiles.

I would get all kind of messages. Some were just blatantly sexual and not appealing… I would discard those right away. Some were just plain and bland… saying “hi” or “how r u.” I didn’t pay attention to those as much… only if the guy’s profile was enticing in some way. He had to have a good profile picture, matching interests or some wording that resonated with me on his profile. I looked for unique messages… a message that told me that he read my profile and that he was interested in me as a person. I wasn’t getting too many of those.

I continued searching for love. I overcame my emotions and didn’t let them stop me from reaching my goals. There were times when I felt very depressed or alone, but I took time out for myself when I felt this way. I would continue looking at finding love as a process.

I was able to overcome my own struggles and realize that we are all people. Our base motivations are somewhat the same. I knew that love was attainable because of all of the people out there that were single and willing to put themselves out there. Even though I was not finding “the one” at that moment, I knew that there was still time and that even searching for love provided a need fulfillment that I could accept.