Limerence vs. Love

Back when I was dating, I just thought that love was love. If I loved someone, I would know and that would be that. I didn’t try to analyze every little thing when I was dating. I just depended on my emotional compass to tell me which direction I should go.

I wanted an amazing long term relationship. I wanted to secure love that was going to last, but I didn’t know what the future was going to hold for me. I felt that the future was out of my control if I didn’t feel good about how things were going in my present life. I wanted to feel secure and solid in love.

I learned about limerence two years ago from two different psychologists. Limerence was a term developed by the psychologist, Dorothy Tennov. It is defined as a state of mind in which there is a romantic attraction to another person as well as a deep obsession to have one’s feelings returned. Tennov estimated that limerence can last from a few weeks to a few years. Limerence can be shorter and one-sided unlike love in a long term relationship.

My fiancé and I have been together past weeks and months and now going into years. In a couple of months, it will be going on four years that we have been together. We recognize that we both want to be together. We are engaged. We are not living a fantasy. We deal with daily life every day. Sometimes obstacles arise. We communicate, work towards our goals and make plans.

We want each other to be happy. We make it a point to call and text each other. We talk about our shared experiences growing up. We…