Should You Choose Career Or Love?

Growing up I learned all that I could about how to be successful. I read incessantly. Sometimes I would read six to ten books at a time. I made sure that all of my assignments were handed in on time. I focused on my grades and what I could do to make myself better. I stayed focused on what I could do to maintain successful habits to get me closer to a career that I loved.

Even with these successful habits and this desire for a successful career, I still desired to have love in my life. I wanted to find a man who was interested in a long term relationship and would value me as the person that I was. I struggled finding a man who truly knew what I had to offer and understood my character. I had doubts about even thinking that anyone existed that would be interested enough in pursuing a relationship with me. I felt like I should be happy with everything that I had accomplished in my life, but I felt lost and alone instead.

About five years ago, I had spent months with a man that I thought was the one for me. I was excited and happy to finally feel like I had conquered love. Then, he dumped me abruptly and moved on.

I realized that love is an ongoing dance… you will have love if you continue to invest in the relationship. A relationship is not something to have, but something that we partake in and enjoy as time goes on. As long as we have similar goals, we will have that long term relationship. The man that dumped me just happened to have a different goal for the relationship than I did.

I decided to focus on my relationship goals and what I wanted from my own relationship. I wanted my partner to be career-minded, funny, focused, giving, caring and intelligent. I wanted to know that he valued me for who I was and that he valued my character on a deep level.

Once I identified these relationship goals, I was able to clearly see who did not fit this description easily. There were times when I was frustrated. I felt that I was a good person and that something should have come up sooner. I didn’t want to waste any more time. I had to deal with my own emotions repeatedly… anger, sadness, depression… sometimes my emotions would come up in cycles unexpectedly. I would be angry that no one saw my worth. I would be sad that my goal seemed so far out of reach. I would feel utterly hopeless that there seemed to be no one that fit what I needed and wanted in my relationship.

I finally was able to reach what I wanted… a long term relationship. I have been with him since 2016 and he has all of the qualities that I have wanted in a man.

I realized that once I identified my goals, it was easier to get there. Love was undefined for me in the beginning. I knew that I was able to form successful career and job habits earlier on in my life so I knew that on some level, I could reach what I wanted… and I did!