The Big Relationship Question: Should I Commit?
It can be scary to be faced with big life decisions. The choices that we make can determine the course of our life forever. This should be exciting and empowering for us. In dating and relationships committing ourselves to one person should feel exciting and rewarding, not scary and looming.
We want the best possible partner to match with us, but getting to the actual nitty gritty of aligning energies can be a struggle. How do you do it? How do you know if you are with the one? Trying to show you care about someone and not having any reciprocity from the other person can be hurtful. If you expose your true feelings and you aren’t received the same way, you may let fear, shame, hurt and sadness win in your love life.
There was one time when I thought that I would never love again. Love was too hard. I was very honest about how I felt time and time again with guys. There was a lack of understanding with what I had to offer to my potential partner. I didn’t want to settle, because then I would have lost altogether. There was a long time that I didn’t move forward in the dating world because of fear that I would not be able to be understood in the right way.
Men and women may not always understand each other. Some of the values, needs, interests, likes and dislikes, skills, expertise, education and experience that we have may not line up compatibly with someone else and what they have to offer. Once we do find that person, it’s like completing the last piece to a jigsaw puzzle. The sense of accomplishment and pleasure that you get from completing the overall puzzle was worth it. You conquered it!
If you answer the question, “Should I Commit?” in an instance where you may have not spent enough time with your potential partner, you may not know how to answer it or feel compelled to say “no.” This is justified. You don’t have enough experience with the person yet. If you answer this same question in an instance where in reality, there is no effort or there is confusion about the relationship and you hope for things to be better without any indication that things are improving, you may feel compelled to say “Yes,” but feel that deep inside, you should be saying “No.” Sometimes we want what other people have around us. We want to show that we are wanted. Don’t get stuck in a relationship where you only “have” someone to prove a point to others. If you answer this same question in an instance where you have good times, you are supported, you learn together, you see the drive in the other person and you are compelled to be better yourself, you will most likely say “Yes” and not have the need to go back on your answer.
So… Should You Commit?! You love him or her, but maybe can’t commit yourself. You want to know all of your possibilities. Perhaps you suffer from a case of the “YOLO”s where “You Only Live Once” runs your life and you don’t want to be committed out of a need for a sense of freedom. Perhaps the other person doesn’t want to commit out of fear of how the eventual ending of the relationship may go, being stuck or “pinned down” for life.
Acceptance and awareness of the other person is true love. Being understanding of where the other person is at in life can also be considered true love. You may already have love in your heart, but be a romantic and want to be with that person and show that person how much he or she means to you, but not have sufficient opportunities to do so. Allowing space for the other person to make the best decision for himself or herself is showing love. Maybe he or she did not pick to be with you, but that person left an impression upon you that cannot be erased. Be open to the acceptance of choices that have been made without negative or hurt feelings. If you struggle with this, understand that every person has free will. You have free will. The other person does as well. Allow yourself an opportunity for growth and self improvement.
Commitment can be scary. A lot of times if we watch TV and look at the orchestrated breakups that happen by the characters, we may think… could this happen to me? A door slammed in a guy’s face by a girl. A girl keys a guy’s car for revenge. All of these emotionally driven negative actions scream for attention. It’s also a lack of acceptance that these characters face. We don’t want to “lose” in the end. Sometimes people can be unpredictable. Take it slow. Take your time.
