What Are Some Good First Date Questions?

Back when I was online dating, I would be talking to all sorts of different personalities. There was no specific type of guy that I considered “my type.” I would get to know a guy based on asking questions and finding out what the guy would do in certain situations.

I wanted to get a good handle on who I was dealing with in a short period of time and decide from there if I wanted to go further. I wanted to find the right person for me, but I was unsure if I would get answers to questions that I liked or could resonate with.

When I would ask questions and get to know a guy in text messages, a lot of times I felt uninspired and unmotivated to even meet the guy in person. I couldn’t just not get to know him, but what I did find out made me uncompelled to go further. I felt like one guy seemed uninteresting. Another guy would come off as aggressive. Yet another guy would feel controlling.

At times I didn’t go further and deny my feelings. I respected my judgment about who these guys were. I’ve felt love and happiness before and I wanted someone to match what I wanted.

When I was just getting to meet a guy, I would ask him how he felt about various situations. I would ask what he would do in hypothetical situations. I would ask him why he decided to message me specifically. I would ask him what he likes to do and what he does for work. I would ask him what he is looking for. Has he had any luck in the dating world? Does he want to just date? Does he want a relationship? What is he wanting to happen?

What I found is that I would get a lot of information in the responses and emotional reactions that came about. I didn’t try to barrage the guy with questions. I was genuinely wanting to know more. I would see if he would ask questions back to me. A lot of times he didn’t or the questions that he was asking were very generic or seemed like he wasn’t really interested and he was trying to make it seem like he was interested. When I felt pushback or resistance in regards to giving me answers, I wouldn’t press further. I would take it as a sign that he didn’t know or didn’t want to tell me. I would be frustrated with the lack of candidness, honesty or openness that I was encountering.

I knew the kind of person that I was and I knew that I needed someone that could be honest with me up front. I met a lot of guys that did not fall into this category and they fell away. Some wanted to play games and feel like they were in control. I knew that I wanted to be a priority in a guy’s life. I got good at knowing which guys would be a good fit for me and which were not right of the bat. I didn’t second guess myself because I knew that this was going to be part of the life that I would be living. I would be responsible for my choice. Why not live the best life I can?

I was able to navigate the uncertainty of the dating world and get clear on who the guy was and what a guy’s motives were and make a decision on what I wanted to do… either to pursue or not pursue. Most of the times, I did not pursue the guy and left it at that. I learned to find what I didn’t want to then make way for what I did want. I learned to not spend my time and energy on something that I did not feel was going to work for me.