What Do You Do When You Want To Be In Love?

After my breakup about five years ago, I was heartbroken, sad and falling apart mentally. I didn’t wish this upon myself. It felt like the breakup came out of nowhere. I had no signs of warning.

I wanted to be in love, but I didn’t have anyone to love. I had just been released by the one that I thought cared about me. I felt in shock and confused. It was like the moment before you jump into a cold pool… you have to close your eyes and wait for your body to hit the water and then let your body get used to it. I was struggling with where things went wrong. I mentally would sift through the attractive traits and the non-attractive traits about me.

It was beyond me and I just had to face that I would never get the answers that I wanted. I had no closure. Without the closure that I so desired, I felt hopeless. I spent hours and days just trying to stay to myself and not talk to people when I wasn’t working.

I had to gain closure and feel motivated and good about myself again. Even though I didn’t know how, I had to try.

I would meditate and get into yoga. I did it more since I had more time to reflect. I practiced different positions with my body that were a little more difficult each time. I enjoyed the challenge. I meditated a lot and this helped me to gain more understanding with my internal world.

I would still experience anger and conflict. Why was it that I was left out yet again? My past was coming back. Feelings of isolation, doubt and being alone. I had thought that I was already over this, but I had to deal with this yet again.

Each day became a new opportunity. A day where I could define it how I wished. That felt more exciting as the days and weeks passed. I could get into more of my creative side. I could try new things… I looked at the beginning of each day as a new slate. This felt amazing.

I was able to elevate my emotional state into one of happiness, peace and excitement. I practiced filling the void in my life and crafting my life into something that I wanted.