What Happened In My Early Twenties In My Love Life?

I did briefly mention in my first blog post that I wanted to have a relationship in my early twenties when I posted my Love Manifestation story…

Let me tell you more about that desire here…

On February 13, 2011, my mom passed away in the hospital. This was a day before Valentine’s Day. She was sick for months before this time and her body wasn’t strong enough to handle any more procedures. She lost a lot of weight and transformed into an unrecognizable form that had suffered more than she could handle.

I was in my early twenties. I was stricken with grief and a disorienting feeling of nausea almost every day questioning reality and what things meant. I wanted a relationship. I wanted to find someone that would be my best friend, but also someone that I could share amazing love with every day.

I was dealing with a severe sense of loneliness and an emptiness as vast as the ocean. I did not have many people that understood what I was going through. A lot of women in their twenties still had their moms and could not relate to this severe tragedy and loss that I was experiencing. I wanted to find a guy that could relate to who I was and would be there for me no matter what. I wanted to feel a sense of security as well as have a peace of mind again.

I felt isolated and alone. I didn’t have many friends to help me through this time to be there for me or check in on me. I wanted to stop feeling so isolated and feeling so alone. I continued working at my night stocking job to earn some money. I also enrolled in massage school to get myself more on track and on purpose with a new career. l also started online dating so that I could connect with more guys so I would have a better chance of connecting with someone and finding someone.

I threw myself into a state of “busyness”… now, I wasn’t alone! I had something to do all the time. I would be in massage class waiting for the class to start and laying down and feel so sleepy from just getting off of my night job. Massage school was so hazy for me when I remember back to it. I was never fully awake. I would also be texting guys all the time… most of them I never met… I would have to keep filtering out and blocking the “bad ones.”

In the end, I learned that there was a certain desire that I had of having a fulfilling relationship and that I was working on finding “the one.” I hadn’t found him yet, but there was so much potential if I just kept at it and would somehow learn to balance my time so that I could keep working on the things I wanted… a new career purpose and a new love.