What Music Taught Me About Love
I have always loved music. It had brought me a non-judgmental atmosphere. It allowed me to feel emotions. It didn’t tell me what to do or how to think. It allowed me to connect with my emotions that were already there and feel them.
I wanted to feel elevated, understood and at a point where I reached my highest potential in love. I felt awkward and disconnected when a guy didn’t understand me or even bother to get to know me.
I felt defeated when I was not given the attention that I wanted or made to feel special like I had seen other women had been treated. There were many times that guys only wanted to talk about sex and nothing else. This made me feel like life was unfair and I was doomed to be seen as a sexual object.
I had listened to so many songs and was open to music as a whole. In a lot of songs, they reference love. Love can hurt, be wonderful, be confusing and much more. It is a multidimensional experience. It is not a destination.
Music helped me feel what I was feeling and get in touch with my emotional side. This has always been therapeutic to me in terms of processing emotions. In the car, I would listen to the radio or CDs before and after working or running errands. Sometimes I would listen to a song over and over again to grasp what it meant to me.
Lingering sadness over not having control of a situation that did not turn out in my favor or comparing myself to others had brought me down. Feelings of loss, grief, sadness, injustice and anger would overwhelm me in my daily life. I didn’t feel that I was where I wanted to be most days. I felt behind.
Music has always been there when guys have not always been. I would listen to music right before and after photo shoots, in the car, at home, when I went shopping and when working out. It has always been a part of my life.
I learned that when I was in touch with my emotions, I was able to be better able to control myself. Sometimes I needed a lot of time to process the depth of emotions that I was experiencing because they were heavy and weighty. Love asks that each partner be whole to move forward as a whole unit. Part of being whole for me was feeling, healing and self-discovery.
