Why Do People Struggle With Relationships?

I was always very curious about relationships. I used to “people watch” people in public before I even knew that term. I used to watch many episodes of Oprah or Dr. Phil when I was younger to try to figure out why people acted and behaved certain ways.

I desired to understand why people were so overcome by emotions and why they would let it dictate their behavior. I desired for things to go well in my life and to have more connections with people. I felt very isolated when I would come home from school and I felt like I was never good enough. I battled with my own emotions of fear and anger on a consistent basis. I felt fearful of getting bullied. I felt angry that other kids had it better than me. I felt fearful of never establishing a calm place within myself in which it felt easy to go through life. I felt angry that my parents were always working.

Over the years, I had lots of anger and fear built up from multiple situations. I became avoidant of people altogether for the most part. I had no security or safe place in the space of relationships.

I discovered that many people were hurting inside themselves just like I was. Many people like myself didn’t express their emotions due to their job (trying to act professional), their kids (trying to be a good role model) or to avoid being ostracized in general.

I learned about people as much as I could. I became a good listener instead of a talker. When you listen, you allow a safe space for the other person to open up. I have found that many people in my own life are great talkers, but don’t know how to listen. A lot of people like to talk so that the attention is on them… so that they feel important.

I felt that when I didn’t know what was actually going on with someone else and the other person didn’t open up to me through talking in my own relationships that there was something that was trying to be hidden, whether it was actual events that took place or emotions. My intuition was always right on that. I couldn’t make someone be open and honest with me.

I could, however, make sure that I was open and honest myself to attract that same kind of energy from someone.

Overall, my understanding of relationships evolved and I was able to approach them differently and more effectively later on in my life. I didn’t always know what was “wrong” with someone and that was okay. I understood relationships by watching and observing them when I was younger, either on TV or in real life. When I got older, I experienced overwhelming emotions and I knew that I had to understand the world around me in a different way. I became more of a listener to those around me and attempted to understand information in a new way. It is all about understanding and communication to build trust and integrity.