Why Is It So Painful To Be In Love?

In the past, I was in a couple long distance relationships. I would get support and love from text messages and phone calls. That would get me through the day. I would look forward to a voicemail or a text message that would be there when I woke up in the morning. It felt like no matter what was happening, I would have someone that cared and would listen to me.

I wanted to have someone in my real life to be there for me that would support me, but the circumstances that I was in was limiting what I could do. I felt like I wanted someone to save me from my depressing situation. My mother passed away and I was learning about how to deal with that. My sister moved away to a different state. I struggled to have an ally with me in my daily life experiencing what I was going through.

I didn’t know what mattered to me anymore in my own daily life.

I needed to find what mattered to me again.

I still continued to invest time in my long distance relationship because I couldn’t get much support anywhere else. I still kept an open mind to other opportunities that may come up in my life.

A lot of things that I had cared about didn’t matter now. I used to help my mom with her paperwork and help her with things around the home. I wasn’t really needed anymore. My dad was usually gone from the home doing work stuff. My sister had moved away. I knew that I wasn’t a priority in anyone’s life anymore.

I had to reconstruct something totally new and separate from my old life. It was going to feel new and scary because I hadn’t done it before. I wrote down lists of things that I needed to do each day… small tasks, medium tasks and large tasks. I put it in writing. I found things to inspire me… photography, quotes, art.

I was able to transform my identity from one of hopelessness and depression into one of progression and inspiration. I got comfortable in the state of change and transformation. It was a process that I had to accept if I was going to operate in a new way. I continue to come back to a place of inspiration and progression when I feel like I am not moving forward or struggling in some way.